Sunday, 4 September 2011

Going through the Emotions

I hate nostalgia. It's probably the one thing that most ruins new experiences and life changes, even when they are for the better. It's a feeling that gives you a longing for something you can never have: the past. It's like being in love with Julius Caesar or Lara Croft, although in those cases at least there are lookalikes.


There's also the fact that I am feeling nostalgic at a time about which I will, years from now, also feel nostalgic. "At least you have happy memories", you say? "Bleh!", I say back. I want to be back at university, or back at school, or even back to my childhood when the only thing I was worried about was getting my own way.

Come to think of it, that's still the only thing I'm worried about, it's just a lot harder to do.
...

Anyway, as you have probably deduced by now, I'm a little apprehensive of starting tomorrow. Apprehensive, but not nervous. I spent the day packing and sorting out my old room which led to a good deal of reminiscence. Amplifying my nostal-gism were feelings of inadequacy (much like the time I challenged Morgan Freeman to a story-reading contest). What if I suck at being a lawyer? Have I wasted 6 years of my life? Is this *really* what I want to do with my life?? Sure, I’ve had experience working in law firms and I have a basic idea of what it’ll be like, but what is the reality? Will I enjoy it?

On the other hand, I'm also very excited about the prospect of putting into practice all the things I have learnt, and making a real difference to peoples' lives. It will also be nice to have a steady, respectable (though not astronomical) income. The alternative could be me still desperately searching for a Training Contract, doing donkey work and scraping a living together - and I'm well-aware that many law graduates are in that situation! So yes, I count myself fortunate to have this opportunity. So far I am pretty confident that I will enjoy being at my law firm. Everybody seems extremely pleasant and ultimately if I like the people then I will enjoy being at my job. And that should help me produce my best work, right?


So, to wrap this post up, I think we all feel a mixture of emotions when we're about to take a big step into the unknown. Many of us may feel as though we want to stay in (or go back to) the safe zone, where we’re comfortable and familiar. But nostalgia is to the mind what alcohol is to the eyes. If I were offered a chance to satisfy that feeling and not start this new career, would I take it? No, I wouldn’t, and not only because we look back on the past with beer goggles. Everybody has their own goals in life, but I believe it’s universally important to continually develop and grow. To do this we need to take on new things and challenge ourselves.  I’m reminded of Lord Tennyson’s poem Ulysses, but now’s not the time for that.

Now’s the time to kick back and watch Live at the Apollo with a cup of tea. J

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